Category Archives: Humor

ISIS Relieved After Rambo Denied Plans To Fight Them

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rambo

Rumors spread yesterday (from a fake news website) that Rambo is set to fight ISIS in the next and last Rambo movie “Last Stand”, and that his production team is already scouting for locations in ‘ISIS strongholds’ in Syria and Iraq. Unfortunately, the rumors were denied quickly by a representative for Stallone.

It’s too bad as it would have been one heck of a plot. I actually thought of one where Rambo would be in Lebanon on vacation with an old friend before she gets kidnapped somewhere in the Bekaa by ISIS and then he has to go free her from inside Syria or Iraq. He seeks help from his newly made Lebanese and Syrian friends and goes on to battle ISIS from Syria to Iraq.

Anyway the good news is that “Last Stand” still might exist, the bad news is that it won’t be Rambo taking down ISIS.

stalo

Let’s All Remember Women Rights In Lebanon Because Of Chris Brown

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Ever since I posted about the Chris Brown giveaway, I’ve been receiving comments from people telling me that I shouldn’t promote him because he beat his ex-gf Rihana and that would send a wrong message to all those who are attending the concert. Added to that, Beirut.com surprisingly shared an article on why (and I quote) “attending Chris Brown’s concert would be another slap in the face to all the woman who have suffered at the hands of husbands, boyfriends and fathers in this country? And a slap in the face to all the hard work that KAFA has been doing to combat these societal problems?”, then asked to boycott Brown’s concert and make “this disgusting guy “khalas” in Lebanon “Forever”.” (I have no idea what this last sentence means by the way).

I’m at loss for words to be honest. It’s as if we got bored of boycotting artists because they’ve been to Israel so we started coming up with new reasons to boycott them. In fact, maybe they are right, maybe we should no longer tolerate the likes of Chris Brown and pressure the Lebanese authorities to halt all concerts this summer and stop all artists who may pose a threat to our society or could negatively influence the young and innocent generations, even if this means harming our economy and causing major financial losses to Lebanese companies. Maybe we should start a new movement and make Rihanna’s insightful song “Bitch Better Have My Money” its anthem.

I say we should boycott any artist who at some point in his life:
– Drank too much alcohol and got drunk.
– Used illegal substances.
– Cheated on his wife or gf/bf.
– Posed naked in front of the camera.
– Didn’t properly use hashtags on Instagram.
– Used the F*** word in a concert or during an interview.
– Was fined for speeding or parking illegally.
– Answered his cellphone at the theaters.
– Didn’t call his mother on her birthday.
– Didn’t visit his grandma on Christmas.
– Burned $100 dollar bills to light up his cigar.
– Smoked an Arguile.
– Had a Chicken Shawarma without garlic.
– Claimed that Hummus is not Lebanese.
– Denied the fact that Lebanon is the center of the Universe.

And the list goes on and on …

Rihanna-and-Chris-Brown-2015

In all cases, I heard rumors that Riri will join the movement soon but she’s currently too busy partying with Chris Brown and helping him out with his new house.

Note: I am in no way trying to compare what Chris Brown did to speeding or shawarma. He s a terrible human being who served time for what he did but that’s not the point here. What I’m referring to is how we barely make any effort when women are abused in Lebanon but get all excited when it’s about Rihanna. Our government has been refusing to pass a law to protect women for years yet we don’t boycott them or hold them accountable. When NGOs call for demonstrations to stop domestic violence hundreds only show up. Let’s set our priorities straight once and for all.

Fail Lebanese Headline Of The Week Goes To Al Jadeed

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elissa

Ever since #TweetLikeLebaneseMedia trended on Twitter, I’ve been thinking about coming up with “awards” for Lebanese Media tweets and headlines because they’ve been outdoing themselves lately. The latest was the above headline by Al Jadeed.

As you all know, going to a beach resort in Lebanon is a unique experience where you can find almost everything except people swimming. The sight of a couple or an individual swimming in a pool at a beach resort is so rare that it might become punishable by law one day. Who has time to enjoy the sea and swim by the pool when there’s a party happening at the bar, an arguile and a bottle of vin rosé right by your side and a housekeeper (who’s not allowed to swim of course) to take care of the kids?

In all cases, Lebanese media has been following up closely on this phenomenon and Al Jadeed published a ground breaking story yesterday on their social media channels, a Lebanese celebrity wearing a swimsuit at the beach!! I kid you not, Elissa was spotted wearing a “maillot” at the beach but it appears that she was so ashamed of herself that she cropped the swimsuit out of her Instagram picture. The story outraged other Lebanese media channels who promised to follow up closely on this story and reveal soon if she was wearing a “2 piece” or “1 piece”. They even lashed out at Al Jadeed for unprofessionally covering one part of the story and not revealing the whole truth.

Stay tuned as I reveal the full story as soon as it’s out.

Thanks Anthony ‪#‎2uw2‬

#TweetLikeLebaneseMedia Gone Viral Today And The Tweets Are Hilarious!

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tweets

The amount of stupid and pointless online stories being published by the Lebanese media is increasing every day and it doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop any time soon as all they are looking for are more clicks. Of course there’s nothing wrong in reporting unusual stories as long as there’s decent content behind that title but that’s not the case. I once wrote about this topic and even came up with catchy headlines (also known as click baits) to explain what’s happening, but things have gotten even worse since then.

Today, the #TweetLikeLebaneseMedia went viral and I was laughing out loud while reading some of the tweets. I grouped some of them and added the ones I came up with few months back. Enjoy!

PS: The below titles were all made up so don’t go looking for them :)

Is The New Pepsi #MeshGhalat (Ataf) Ad That Bad?

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11426267_10155726597190083_5575819571490020529_n via Adonis

The new Pepsi #MeshGhalat ad is being criticized for using the word Ataf to refer to women and I agree that the term is disrespectful but not specifically towards women. I’ve seen girls use that term as well and it’s more of a slang term that’s inappropriate to use when referring to anyone in general. So yes using the “ataf” term is wrong but I don’t think that’s the only problem with this ad.

In fact, I still can’t understand what’s really happening between the guy and the girl. For all I know, it could be one of three scenarios and all of them don’t make sense:
1- The guy’s car overheats so the girl comes to the rescue and they decide to have a picnic together?
2- The girl is with the guy and the car overheats and he has the picnic kit ready so he gets to spend quality time with her in the wilderness?
3- The girl was having a picnic by herself and this guy comes out of nowhere because his car broke down?

Moreover, who does a picnic in Faqra (looks like Faqra in the background) and who keeps a picnic set and a hiking backpack in his car all the time? Kello mich zabit :)

To be fair, the two other ads are pretty cool and the whole #MeshGhalat campaign is fun. I used that hashtag a lot and it will easily go viral.

pepsi1 via PepsiLebanon

Pepsi2 via PepsiLebanon

What Happens When The Education Minister Visits Public Schools During Official Exams

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10383128_683547658415883_1993275336695469834_n via el Nashra

This picture was caught yesterday while Elias Bou Saab, Lebanon’s Education Minister, was visiting public schools to inspect the students who are undergoing official exams. It looks like the student was handing a pen, not a small piece of paper, to the other student but it’s still funny.

I blurred the girl’s face because I don’t want her to get in trouble, even though she might end up getting an 2ifedé if the teachers go on strike once more lol!

Update: Minister Elias Bou Saab just posted on his Facebook page that the girl was handing a tipex and was not cheating haha!

tipex

The Best Chocolate Bars You Can Buy For 500 Lebanese Pounds Or Less

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kol

I found this funny video of Shant and Elie trying out chocolate bars that cost 500 Lebanese Pounds or less and it made me crave a Tutti Frutti bar. I love how you can’t really tell what’s the flavor inside the Tutti Frutti bar but it’s amazing!

Here are some of the chocolate bars they tasted and my take on them:
– Tutti Frutti (My favorite)
– Pick One is indeed a fake Kitkat
– Metro sucks
– Apello (I never heard of that one) but it looks like the Halo. I never liked it.
– Break is ok.
– Flute & Kinder are quite amazing but we can’t really put them in the same category as others.
– Unica is awesome but I loved their description (layers of biscuit with a chocolate smell hahaha).
– Addicto is everything but addicto.

I would add Nouba, which I love, to the list, as a well as a coconut bar (fake bounty) but I can’t remember its name, and the Pick up as well which is not that bad.

[YouTube]

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