Category Archives: Humor

Business 3al Lebnené

Posted By :

oldslchi

In case you’ve been wondering how our national debt got so big, here’s your answer. To make things worse, we’ve become so corrupt that no one cares about completing any project now, they just want to steal the money and accuse others of corruption, or even better, state that they are leading a battle against corruption.

Car Insurance 3al Lebnené

Posted By :

mtv insurance

Everyone is tagging MTV on this ad but I can’t seem to find it anywhere on their website. It is a hilarious and spot-on ad. The video ends with ” بربكن صلحوا الطرقات الزفت” in an attempt to shed the light on road conditions in Lebanon but I can’t find the full version yet.

Em Hortons Now Open in Lebanon

Posted By :

em hortons via Adriana

Em Hortons beat Tim Hortons to Lebanon and opened its first shop in Halat, North Lebanon. We tried to reach Tim Hortons to comment on the story but did not get any feedback.

In other exciting news, you can now buy genuine and original “Converce” (with a C) for LL 10,000 in Jdeide.

converse

The Ultimate Guide to Dealing With Garbage in Lebanon

Posted By :

111

If you’re having trouble dealing with the garbage situation in Lebanon, follow the below guidelines:

1- Keep a picture of our current Environment Minister with you at all time. It’s a very efficient blocking tool.
2- Make use of all these mosquitoes to create new local dishes. Mosquito Hrisse can be our new local secret on Snapchat. Chou we2fit 3al Fattet Shrimps?
3- If you can’t stand the smell and have to take out your garbage, throw if off the balcony.
4- If you risk getting caught, build a small catapult, install it on the roof and throw your garbage to your neighbor’s roof.
5- Urinate to mark your “garbage” territory so that no one else throws trash in your spot.
6- Keep a picture of a fried rat and show it to any rat you spot on the street. That way, he will get scared and stay away from you. (Make sure to look him in the eye).
7- Snapping at a party by rotating your camera stupidly and making your followers dizzy can be made much easier with mosquitoes around.
8- Buy a net mask and wear it at all time to avoid swallowing mosquitoes. If you can’t afford masks, try to negotiate with the mosquitoes and ask them kindly not to enter your mouth, or bribe them with a couple of blood drops.
9- There’s no need to feel guilty if you fart during a date or in public, just blame it on the garbage piles and fart at will.
10- The new waves of mosquitoes arriving are harmless and are part of the celebrations prepared by the government to mark the 100th anniversary of the invasion of locusts (jarad) during WWI. If you spot suited up mosquitoes, don’t be afraid.

If all else fails, follow the genius solution proposed by one of Mr.Lebanon’s candidates.

Lebanon’s Overly Confident Man, AKA Anthony Hamawi, Loses Title

Posted By :

overly

9gag has dropped Lebanese comedian, musician, actor, dubbed “Malik el Sex wel Cornflex wel Tipex” Anthony Hamawi as its overly confident man after leaked images from his wedding revealed him in a not so confident position. A close friend of his was quoted saying “7ala2oulou lal m3attar”.

In other shocking news, Hamawi has promised to clean the house from time to time, do the dishes and even prepare meals. He even vowed to shop for 2 hours every week with his wife and carry her bag if needed.

Mabrouk Anthony & Cynthia, wish you all the best!

PS: That’s the best & most courageous decision you’ll ever take ‪in your life #‎2uw2‬.

Lebanese Dream Of High Speed Internet

Posted By :

intenret via @haidcar

The above table was being shared yesterday as an April Fools’ joke. I have no idea whether it’s all fabricated or inspired from the 2020 plan announced by the MOT, but what’s sure is that we are still far from getting these speeds.

Few days ago, I asked people to share speedtest screenshots on Facebook and some of the speeds I got were deplorable. We are talking about 0.13, 0.47 and 0.12Mbps download DSL speeds here. The majority had speeds below 2Mbps while the highest speed I got was 4.69Mbps from a local cable provider in Achrafieh.

I’m glad that the internet topic is all over the news recently and as I stated previously, slow internet is as important as the garbage problem, whether you like to admit it or not, because technology has a huge impact on every country’s development and falling behind will cost us dearly in the future.

speed2

speed8

Apparently I’m a Doctor & Professor At the Lebanese University

Posted By :

email

I got an email yesterday from a Lebanese University student asking me for a recommendation letter. I thought at first the letter was for my brother since it said “Dear Dr” and he’s a doctor but it was actually addressed to me.

I replied and asked the student where he got my email from and he told me the secretary at the university gave him this address thinking that it was his professor’s email. Of course I informed him that the email is wrong but then I looked through my junk mail and found tons of emails (some of them seemed confidential) being sent to my address from the LU. I also got a happy birthday email back in September with the professor’s name written in the subject.

I am going to email them in a bit and ask them to correct all this mess but I have 3 questions here:

– Where did they get my email from? And how come no one noticed there’s a wrong email in that long list?
– Why are all the emails listed in the TO: field and not hidden in BCC: as they should be?
– Why isn’t there an online directory for students to look up their teachers’ emails? And how do they communicate usually?

bday

mails

Arabic Words & Phrases That We all Use & Don’t Understand

Posted By :

tallat via Ousoul

“Tallat” el PC.
“Banchar” el Douleb.
A7welo “Bil loj”.
Badde “Chalimoune” lal Pepsi. (I never use that one lol!)
“Bandou2” hal sabe manno 3atil.
Ma ba2a ma3e “massare” hal chaher.
Kteer “Shob” el yom.
Hayde el benet “Sharm****”.
“Balafo” bi hal le3be.

We all use these terms but we probably never asked ourselves what they truly mean and where they came from. There are also tons of Lebanese terms that don’t even exist in the Arabic language and that we use daily. For example, “tallat” apparently comes from the English verb “tilt”, “banchar” is inspired from “puncture”, whereas “loj” which is used to describe someone wealthy and well-off originates from the French word “loge” (a small, separated expensive seating area in the auditorium for a limited number of people).

If you are curious to know their origins, there’s a Facebook page called Ousoul that sheds light on the origin of terminologies used in different Arabic dialects. I fell on this page by mistake after reading an article on the origins of 6 Arabic words we often use on Red Bull’s website.

Enjoy!

terem

Sharmouta