Category Archives: Humor

Joke of The Day: Lebanese Labor Minister Vows to Expel Swedes if Stockholm Deports Lebanese Families

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swe

The Swedish authorities have decided to strip over 75 Lebanese families of medical and social aid cards and plans to deport them, as part of a judicial decision to deport over 60,000 foreign expats who don’t qualify for asylum or refugee status.

Following this decision, Labor Minister Sejaan Azzi sent a letter to Swedish Ambassador to Lebanon Peter Semneby asking for clarifications and vowed to take similar measures against Swedes working in Lebanon if the expulsion is unjustified.

Did I read that correctly? We are threatening to expel Swedes from the country if the Swedish authorities deport Lebanese families? What’s next? Impose a curfew on Swedish workers in Lebanon? Boycott Swedish products?

Why don’t we react the same way when Qatar, Saudi Arabia or Gulf countries threaten to expel Lebanese families? Hundreds of families were expelled from Arab countries in the past year yet all the Lebanese authorities did was apologize or visit these countries and beg for forgiveness. I’m not asking to go against Arab countries but at least to be consistent and not make a joke out of ourselves.

The funniest part is that our own Foreign Minister advised Finland during an official visit a couple of months ago that “the waves of immigrants that if not tackled by the roots would destabilize security and stability”. I guess Sweden must have overheard the conversation and followed his advice.

PS: Reports (probably fake) are saying Mia Khalifa was arrested in Kuwait. We should declare war immediately LOOL!

#Rio2016: Lebanon’s Population is 6.2 Million According to NBC

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leb

The 2016 Olympic Games were formally opened in a beautiful ceremony earlier today and were broadcasted to an estimated audience of three billion. These are the first ever Olympics to be held in South America and more than 200 teams are taking part in these games among them the Lebanese team of course.

I missed the opening ceremony this morning but a friend sent me a screenshot showing the Lebanese team and how NBC displayed Lebanon’s population as being 6.2 Million. I wonder where they got this number from? They must have added the refugees or the Lebanese in Brazil. Lebanon’s current population is around 4.5 Million. On another note, our Olympic costume is quite ugly.

Lebanon is being represented by nine athletes this year in seven different categories. You can read all about them [here].

pic

leb olym

Thanks Miche!

Almaza vs. Beirut Beer

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beirut beer

So Almaza Beer kicks off a campaign entitled “Almaza, Lebanon’s Beer” or #‎BeeretLebnen‬ and Beirut Beer hits back at them by reminding them that they are part of Heineken (they didn’t name it though). A lot of people didn’t appreciate the attack against Almaza and started bashing Beirut Beer but I don’t see the problem in it. It’s pure competition and advertising and it’s fun even though Beirut Beer is not as good or as popular as Almaza in Lebanon.

Let’s see if Almaza will reply back or not, noting that their marketing campaigns are among the best and their replies to certain events are always epic.

I linked to the two videos below as I couldn’t embed them.

almaza

beirut beer1

Since Five Guys is Not Coming to Lebanon, We Might as Well Open Our Own!

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five guys - Copy

A “Five Guys” burger & fries place just opened recently in Antoura. It even has five little guys underneath its logo. Obviously it’s not the real deal but I am actually tempted to try it out as I love these small Lebanese burger shops. Last year when I was in Dubai, I went to the real Five Guys to give it a try. It was good but not as good as I thought it would be. I will review it later on this week.

five guys

Five-Guys-Uxbridge-LR-87 How Five Guys should look like

10 Silly Guinness Records We Can Break At No Cost in Lebanon

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Since we have a talent for breaking silly Guinness Records, which include the biggest Hummus dish, the largest Lemonade cup and most recently the longest red carpet, here are ten records we can set at barely any cost in Lebanon:

1- The longest, most religiously diverse and chaotic queue at a governmental institution.
2- The biggest heart-shaped Shisha smoke cloud in the world.
3- The longest one-hand applause on an airplane while eating Knefe with the other.
4- The highest concentration of influencers/fashionistas/foodies/instainflueanistas per 1,000 inhabitants.
5- Most people swimming in a pothole while smoking Shisha with one hand and opening a champagne bottle with the other.
6- The largest number of convoy cars and bodyguards in a 50sqm public school.
7- The longest garbage-based bridge in the world.
8- The longest time honking a horn while cursing at other drivers while going the wrong way, wearing a seat-belt and smoking a cigarette.
9- Most policemen passed while performing an illegal stunt on the highway.
10- Most holy water cups thrown by hosts in a political TV show.

If you have other records in mind, please do share.

Was a Pokémon Go Player Arrested in #Lebanon?

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pok

People have been sharing since yesterday a story about a Lebanese Pokémon Go player that got arrested for playing the game near the General Security HQ in Beirut. Apparently the guy was looking for a rare Pokemon near the building when security guards spotted him and arrested him. He was interrogated briefly then released (after he got laughed at).

I tried digging out the source but I couldn’t find any reliable one and the security forces didn’t issue any statement on that incident, so it’s probably fabricated but I am confident we will hear about arrests due to Pokemon Go.

Pokemon Go mania has officially hit Lebanon and hundreds of people attended the first meeting up last week. Just look at the video below:

PS: I personally played it for two days and lost interest.