Category Archives: Humor

The Only Horoscopes You Should Listen To

Posted By :

taleta2 Iza Mich el Tanen, el Khamis.

A friend weirdly emailed me horoscopes yesterday and told me that I should read them. Of course I was about to delete them at first but then I noticed there’s the La Libanaise des Jeux logo on the bottom and they turned out to be hilarious! I posted a couple of them, check out the rest on their page.

I also found and shared a couple of old ads posted right before the horoscopes that are also quite funny!

Jadi

saratan

boat1

Thank u Richy!

Zaffatleh El Tari2, He Gets My Vote

Posted By :

sad

Michelle & Noel Keserwany, the sisters behind the hilarious “Jagal el Usek” and “Panique Bil Parlement” video clips just released a new song called “Zaffatleh El Tarik”.

The song is spot on and right on time before the elections that should take place (hopefully) this year. I hope Lebanese will listen carefully to the lyrics and hold their Zaiims and MPs accountable this year for the disastrous situation we are in right now.

[YouTube]

The Funniest Reactions To The Aoun-Geagea Agreement

Posted By :

bousaab via LebaneseMemes

Lebanese are always ready to make jokes no matter what the occasion! Today was a historic day for some and a joke for others. Here are some of the funniest reactions that were shared online in the last few hours.

PS: Here’s the [song] that will top all charts this week. Thank u Michel!


zaffe Tfaddalo 3al buffet – via ElieFares

newflag New LF Flag – via LebaneseMemes

Elissakh Elissa being funny for a change

adeele Tweet of the day – via عديلة

mawtoura Hilarious stuff from Mawtoura

Be Like Michel, Wala 3a Belak Bel

Posted By :

samaha Artist: Hassan Bleibel

Be like Michel,

Smuggle explosives into the country, call them fireworks.
Plan terrorist attacks and assassinations, claim you were a victim of entrapment.
Receive money from a foreign country, pretend you were harassed.
Plead guilty to all terrorism charges, claim you were trying to avoid a sectarian strife.
Get caught in the act transporting explosives in a car, make sure you have your seat belt on.

Be like Michel, wala 3a belak bel.

I really don’t know why so many Lebanese were outraged by the decision taken today to free Michel Samaha. After all, the real threat facing Lebanon is not a terrorist transporting explosives and planning attacks and assassinations, the real threat comes from the 18 young men and women who got arrested today for protesting against corruption, from the 8-year old poor kid who got interrogated few days ago, from a couple of Facebook users trashing politicians online, from a young man smoking weed outside a club, from Lebanese flag shoes, from Jagermeister devil worshipers, from Lebanese homosexuals, from yoga-practicing satanists and the list goes on and on …

It’s about time we unite and join hands to fight these threats, and leave these poor terrorists and assassins alone!

[YouTube]

Meet The Instagram Bro

Posted By :

insta bro1

As soon as I confirmed my trip to Las Vegas to cover the International Consumer Electronics Show (CES), I asked my brother who lives in Houston if he could join for few days to catch up and have some Vegas fun. Luckily for me, he had few days off so he joined me for the whole trip and we had a great time!

Of course, there’s one part that he didn’t enjoy much and that was me taking pictures of itneresting things around me and the whole tweeting/instagramming/posting process. Unlike me, my brother is not really into social media and he barely posts anything on Facebook or Instagram so you can imagine what he had to go through but he did make the best out of it by taking selfies while looking annoyed during my “photo sessions”. The outcome after 3 days of sightseeing in Vegas was a series of funny selfies taken by my brother, or the “Instagram Bro” as he referred to himself. I featured 3 of them in this post but there are like 15 of them lol!

The Instagram Bro drinking for two while I was busy finishing a post

Aside from these selfies, here are 3 funny moments where he was about to take my phones and smash them.

1- Capturing Gordon Ramsay’s burger in low-light:
burger
We were having lunch at Gordon Ramsay BurGR and the place was dimly lit, so it was hard to capture a proper shot with a smartphone and I personally hate using the flash. Noting that we were both starving as we had just walked for 5 hours, I asked him not to touch the burger and turn on the flashlight on his phone to use it as a light source but he obviously wasn’t very happy with the request. I ended up taking the picture myself lol!

2- Asking people to clear the way so I can take the picture:
insta bro2

You know that moment when you are taking the perfect shot and someone comes out of nowhere and ruins it? Well it happened a couple of times at the Venetian and Caesars Palace and my brother was like “No one cares about ur stupid pictures, just move on!”. That didn’t stop me from taking the picture of course.

3- Taking the same picture several times with different devices:
IMG-20160112-WA0016
I’m not a professional photographer but I take my time when I’m capturing a shot and I try to take it from different angles and using different devices (or my goPro). As you see from his facial expression, he wasn’t very pleased with these small “photo-shoots”.

All in all, I’m not the kind of person who uses his phone all the time and doesn’t connect with people, so it was rather a fun experience for both of us and I even got my brother to be more active online, but I’m sure this won’t last for long. It’s a good thing I am not a Snapchat addict or else we would have fought in public lol!

666 Signs You Are Attending A Devil-Worshiping Party In Lebanon

Posted By :

skel

Demonic devil worshipers are everywhere in Lebanon, they are growing in numbers, they are forming groups and organizing parties to recruit young innocent people. They are taking over the nightlife scene and the forces of good are helpless against them. Last year, the authorities caught a bunch of Jägermeister Demonic Worshipers who were organizing a Friday 13 themed party just on time before they performed their satanic rituals of dancing around while drinking and smoking. This year, they almost got away once again with a 3-day event but were exposed thanks to brilliant and unparalleled investigative journalism. Black Mass, Sacrifice rituals, recitation of prayers, digital drugs (whatever that means) and other satanic rituals were unveiled and shown to the public, all based on solid and undeniable evidence: a hidden cross-shaped sign spotted on one of the event’s posters:

So In case you don’t want to end up at a devil worshiping party, watch out for these signs:

1- Satanist parties usually last more than one night.
2- Arguile is forbidden there.
3- Jägermeister is their preferred alcohol.
4- They don’t play Ali el Deek songs.
5- They love blood so make sure you keep a bag of blood on you and spray it on them. If they enjoy it then run for your life!
6- They dance tirelessly for hours.
7- Guys don’t dress up and girls rarely wear heels.
8- Party venues are not fancy and consist of remote places or abandoned warehouses.
9- They don’t eat.
10- Digital drugs are distributed at midnight.
11- They hate cotillion.

The other 655 reasons are as stupid as the ones listed above.

On a serious note, I don’t have much info about devil worshipers or satanists in Lebanon (whatever that means) but someone should hold accountable journalists who come up with such ridiculous stories every year. In fact, any journalist who posts unverified and fabricated stories should be fined.

What Really Scares The Lebanese People

Posted By :

The Lebanese people are among the most resilient in the world. We survived a 15-year long civil war, over 20 bombings and assassinations between 2005 and 2012 and over 10 suicide bombings in the past three years. We held against the Israelis in several wars, we kept ISIS out of our country and defeated several terrorist groups, we defied the Americans, the Russians, the Chinese, the Ottomans and everyone who stood in our way, but there’s one thing that still scares the Lebanese, a fear that we are unable to overcome and that keeps growing every year: the fear of an upcoming winter storm.

Storms are taken very seriously in Lebanon, even when they are not even storms and consist of light rains and a windy weather. No matter how big or small a storm is, all the media call it a storm and there’s always drama around it, predictions on how bad it will be, and the precautions that we need to take.

Here are the seven stages that precede a storm in Lebanon:

1- Media predicting that a storm is coming two months earlier even though everyone knows scientists can barely predict the weather a week in advance.

2- Media predicting snows at high altitudes (1600+), heavy rains and strong winds because storms usually consist of clear and sunny skies.

3- Reviving articles from last year or from the 1990s that predicted a harsh winter in Lebanon this year.

4- Calling the storm names. This has become a trend two years ago and the names used are all foreign ones (Olga, Yuri etc …) because the Arabic names are not cool enough.

5- People start making jokes on the storm’s name and turning it political (That’s actually the only part I enjoy).

6- Welcome the storm at the airport. Dabke, Zaffe, few members from the Lebanese government and the Lebanese President (when available) if the storm is a huge one.

7- the Ainata Arz road is declared blocked. I don’t think anyone bothers to check this road anymore, they just state it’s closed.

Of course let’s not forget the hashtags that follow and everyone posing for pictures in the storm, but that’s also a part I enjoy. I just don’t get why we make a big fuss every time it rains here.

The Best Christmas Gift For Lebanese Politicians

Posted By :

people

Sakkir el Dekkene ran a poll to determine the best Christmas gift for Lebanese politicians and 59% voted for a first class expulsion airline ticket (Rawou7a bala Raj3a). As a result, Dekkene decided to visit all politicians and give them the ticket but only Boutros Harb and Ali Hassan Khalil agreed to meet them.

I guess most of them were already abroad on a holiday spending our tax money in insanely lavish hotels and resorts.

PS: I’m surprised 2% voted for politicians to review their mandates. Who are these people?

dekkene2

dekkene