Category Archives: Humor

15 Places American Tourists in Lebanon Can Feel Safe To Visit

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Eastern-style coffee

The U.S. government strongly urges U.S. citizens in Lebanon to exercise extreme caution and to avoid hotels, western-style shopping centers, including western-style grocery chain stores, and any public or social events where U.S. citizens normally congregate, as these sites are likely targets for terrorist attacks for at least the near term.

After reading the U.S Embassy warning to its citizens who are currently in Lebanon, I thought I share some of the not so Western-Style places that American Tourists, at least those adventurous enough to stay in Lebanon, could safely visit:

1- Al Falamanki – Sodeco, Beirut
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One of my favorite chillout spots in Beirut. Great Lebanese Food, Old Arabic songs all in a beautiful setting. Arguile and Backgammon also available. All the items on the menu are “Lebanonized”, even the “Red Bull“.

2- 3al Baladi – Jeita

If you don’t want to stay in Beirut, you can always head to 3al Baladi in Jeita. Labneh, Bayd Baladi, Saj, Chanklish and of course Arak Baladi. There’s also Arabic entertainment (one-man show), which I would never go to personally, on weekends.

3- Al Saniour Sea view – Maameltein

Arguile and Beer over a great view of the Jounieh Bay. This place has a style of its own when it comes to food as it has a Scud and a Patriot Man2oushe on the menu (I kid you not!).

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4- Kasr el Helou – Tripoli
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Despite all the armed clashes in Tripoli, Kasr el Helou is the safest place in town as everyone from all around Lebanon (except Douaihy) loves that place. Try the Halawit el Jeben and the Sfee7a.

5- Furn el Sabaya (The Ladies’ Oven) – Amchit
Furn El Sabaya Amchit
Picture via Paty

This is an authentic Lebanese (Not so Western-ZWZ-like) Furn. It is run by three ladies (Lorenza, Martha and Lucy) who serve their visitors unique and delicious home-made food. They take pride in their food and have been delivering the same quality for almost 20 years now. Read more about it [here].

6- Afif: Emperor of Lahm Baajeen

Even though this guy only serves Manakish, you could spend the day there listening to his stories and jokes. He speaks 3 languages (At least he tries to) and is more interested in making you laugh than finishing your Man2oushé.

7- Massaad – Zahle

Massaad is known as the best place to eat Taouk in Lebanon. It is located in Zahle and it is apparently recommended to have a Zehlewi with you when you’re ordering.

8- Al Sa’eh Library (مكتبة السائح)- Tripoli
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Even though the decades-old library got torched by some idiots, all of Tripoli is working to restore this precious library back to what it was. The library is owned by a Greek Orthodox Priest and contains tons of documents and books on Islam.

9- Mir Amin Palace
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If you want to know how Lebanese are able to have fun and enjoy life despite the troubles in their country, go visit the Mir Amin Palace and you’ll forget about everything.

10- Boubouffe
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You can’t visit Beirut and not try the best shawarma in the world.

11- Falafel Joseph – Sin el Fil

The most famous Falafel place in Lebanon. During the Christian fasting, you could wait up to 1 hour to get a Falafel Sandwich.

12- Jeita Grotto

It’s probably the safest place to be in Lebanon because Lebanese never go there (they’d rather have arguile), even though it’s a wonder of nature (Not one of the 7 new wonders though).

13- Cave Al Siwan – Mayrouba

Good Lebanese Food, Loud Arabic Music and an out of the ordinary cave. It doesn’t get better (and safer) than that.

14- Saida’s Soap Museum

A charming place to visit when you are visiting Saida. Make sure to pass by El Baba sweets and try Knefe there.

15- Kaak el Asmar – Ehden
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Ehden is one of the most beautiful and peaceful towns in Lebanon, and Kaak el Asmar is the best Kaak in Lebanon. Everytime someone’s coming down from Ehden, I ask them to bring along Kaak from el Asmar. They’re heavenly and taste much better than the stuff we have in Beirut.

I know there are tons of places I could add on this list, but I think it’s a good start for now.

Why The Lebanese إخراج قيد Is The Best In The World

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بالصور.. من هو منفذ التفجير الارهابي في حارة حريك؟
Pictures via Alalam

Not only does Lebanon have the best passport in the world, but our إخراج قيد is also one of the best ever because the Dahieh suicide bomber’s individual Status Record (اخراج قيد افرادي) was found intact even though the terrorist was blown to pieces.

What I am unable to understand yet is why a suicide bomber would be holding identification papers on him.

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Zero Gravity Day Hoax Shared by Lebanese Media

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Sir Patrick Moore, an English Amateur Astronomer and the man behind the greatest April Fool’s jokes of all time

There’s an article claiming that everyone who jumps in the air at exactly 9:47am today will experience a momement of weightlessness due to some race alignment of the planets, and that it will take 3 seconds to jump up and down. The news has gone viral yesterday and is being shared by few media outlets in Lebanon as well.

This is a hoax and probably the world’s oldest April Fool’s joke. Here’s the explanation:

This is merely a resurgence of an April Fool’s joke that dates back to 1976 by Sir Patrick Moore. Moore was an English amateur astronomer who rose to prominence as a writer and talk show host on the subject.

On April 1, 1976 Moore told radio listeners that at exactly 9:47am, Pluto and Jupiter would be in alignment, creating reduced gravity on earth at the moment the smaller planet passed behind the larger one. Moore told the audience that anyone who jumped at this time would briefly float in the air. Hundreds of listeners called in after the “event” to describe how they did in fact float at the given time.

Moore’s joke has been cited as one of the greatest April Fool’s jokes of all time. Although the hoax has resurfaced in 2013, the explanation – even the same time of day – Moore gave back in 1976 has remained unchanged.

Sir Patrick Moore passed away in 2012 at the age of 89.

Bottom Line
Zero Gravity Day is merely the resurgence of a hoax which dates to April Fool’s Day 1976. [Source]

If you insist on trying to jump on 9:47 and hoping to float, be my guest.

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Al Jomhouriya posted about it

Yasa
Yasa as well

French Actress and Singer Juliette Gréco Censored in Lebanon

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Via StopCulturalTerrorism

I really have no idea why this 86-year old French singer was censored on Serge Gainsbourg’s cd. If anything, it was Gainsbourg who sang something that has to do with Israel (Blasphemy!).

Juliette Gréco was born in Montpellier to a Corsican father and a mother who became active in the Résistance, in the Hérault département of southern France. She was raised by her maternal grandparents. Gréco also became involved in the Résistance, and was caught but not deported because of her young age. She moved to Saint-Germain-des-Prés in 1946 after her mother left the country for Indochina

Gréco became a devotee of the bohemian fashion of some intellectuals of post-war France. Jean-Paul Sartre said of Gréco that she had “millions of poems in her voice”.[1] She was known to many of the writers and artists working in Saint-Germain-des-Prés, such as Jean-Paul Sartre and Boris Vian.

Gréco spent the post liberation years frequenting the Saint Germain cafes, immersing herself in political and philosophical Bohemian culture. As a regular figure at music and poetry venues like Le Tabou on Rue Dauphine, Greco became acquainted with Miles Davis and Jean Cocteau, even being given a role in Cocteau’s film Orphée in 1949.[2] That same year, she began a new singing career with a number of well-known French writers writing lyrics; Raymond Queneau’s “Si tu t’imagines” was one of her earliest songs to become popular.

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Here’s a [link] to the blasphemous song “La Javanaise”.