Category Archives: Humor

Apparently I’m a Doctor & Professor At the Lebanese University

Posted By :

email

I got an email yesterday from a Lebanese University student asking me for a recommendation letter. I thought at first the letter was for my brother since it said “Dear Dr” and he’s a doctor but it was actually addressed to me.

I replied and asked the student where he got my email from and he told me the secretary at the university gave him this address thinking that it was his professor’s email. Of course I informed him that the email is wrong but then I looked through my junk mail and found tons of emails (some of them seemed confidential) being sent to my address from the LU. I also got a happy birthday email back in September with the professor’s name written in the subject.

I am going to email them in a bit and ask them to correct all this mess but I have 3 questions here:

– Where did they get my email from? And how come no one noticed there’s a wrong email in that long list?
– Why are all the emails listed in the TO: field and not hidden in BCC: as they should be?
– Why isn’t there an online directory for students to look up their teachers’ emails? And how do they communicate usually?

bday

mails

Arabic Words & Phrases That We all Use & Don’t Understand

Posted By :

tallat via Ousoul

“Tallat” el PC.
“Banchar” el Douleb.
A7welo “Bil loj”.
Badde “Chalimoune” lal Pepsi. (I never use that one lol!)
“Bandou2” hal sabe manno 3atil.
Ma ba2a ma3e “massare” hal chaher.
Kteer “Shob” el yom.
Hayde el benet “Sharm****”.
“Balafo” bi hal le3be.

We all use these terms but we probably never asked ourselves what they truly mean and where they came from. There are also tons of Lebanese terms that don’t even exist in the Arabic language and that we use daily. For example, “tallat” apparently comes from the English verb “tilt”, “banchar” is inspired from “puncture”, whereas “loj” which is used to describe someone wealthy and well-off originates from the French word “loge” (a small, separated expensive seating area in the auditorium for a limited number of people).

If you are curious to know their origins, there’s a Facebook page called Ousoul that sheds light on the origin of terminologies used in different Arabic dialects. I fell on this page by mistake after reading an article on the origins of 6 Arabic words we often use on Red Bull’s website.

Enjoy!

terem

Sharmouta

Illegal Internet in Lebanon Explained

Posted By :

internet

I would add these one point to Farid’s spot-on video:
– The illegal Fiber optics cables that were installed between several regions were mistaken for rat metros, given that the rat population has been booming in Lebanon lately. So you can’t really blame the authorities here.

Watch carefully and help the authorities find more illegal networks!

Ma fi shi bye2ta3 3layna. #bigachievement

Posted by FarixTube on Monday, March 28, 2016

illegal

Lebanese Finally Agree On Something: Thank you Ahlam!

Posted By :

A7lam3

I’ve been reading for the past half hour the replies to Ahlam following her ill-mannered tweets against the Lebanese media and people and I can’t stop laughing! That’s not the first time she insults Lebanese and she totally deserves this bashing.

For those who aren’t aware of what happened, one of A7lam’s fan, also known as Halloumi (Halloumiyeen bil jame3) tweeted at Adel Karam after he mocked the Emirate “singer”, so she retweeted it and insulted the Lebanese media by saying:

“This is a video for the beggars in the Lebanese media who have insulted their queen. A poem from my country responding to them.”

Then she replied to another post and said:

“I’m telling the beggars so they won’t keep on talking about their mistress and queen. Let them prove they love their country and pick up the garbage from their streets.”

I love how all the Lebanese online agreed on bashing her together. The hashtag #منع_احلام_من_دخول_لبنان has been viral for two days now. What’s also surprising is that Adel’s video on A7lam was funny, check it out:

عادل كرم يسخر من "الملكة" أحلام !#هيدا_حكي

Posted by ‎Neswa cafe نسوة كافيه‎ on Wednesday, March 23, 2016

A7lam4

What MP Elie Marouni Knows About Lebanon

Posted By :

Marouni

MP Elie Marouni was asked few general knowledge questions on MTV’s “Meen Bya3rif” and those were his answers:

What is the holiday that is celebrated at the end of Ramadan?
His answer: Ramadan

Who was called the King of Rock & Roll?
His answer: Michael Jackson

What is the name of Lebanon’s ambassador to the UN?
His answer: pass

Who is Zgharta’s third MP along with Sleiman Frangieh and Estephan el Douaiy?
His answer: Samir Karam

There are 3 main branches in Lebanese politics, the Executive branch, the Legislative branch and?
His answer: The presidential, the one that belongs to the president.

In which area was Yves Nawfal killed?
His answer: Bkassine.

This guy is clueless about Lebanese politics, Lebanese religious holidays and incidents that shook the nation such as Yves Nawfal’s murder. He doesn’t even know who’s the King of Rock & Roll. His Arabic is decent though, unlike Gebran Bassil.

Here’s the video if you don’t believe me. Thank you CHINN for bringing it up!

شو بيعرف ايلي ماروني عن لبنان؟#ChiNN

Posted by Chi.N.N on Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Here’s the Q&A in Arabic courtesy of Joelle Boutros:

استضافت ناديا بساط بحلقة مبارح من برنامج “مين بيعرف” نواب لبنانيين بينهم ايلي ماروني.
اليكم بعض اجابات ماروني.

السؤال: أي عيد نحتفل به في نهاية شهر رمضان المبارك؟
ماروني: رمضان.

السؤال: مين كان ملقب بملك الروك اند رول؟
ماروني: مايكل جاكسون.

السؤال: عندما نقول hypermétropie أي عضو بالجسم يكون مصاباً؟
ماروني: هيدي لدكتور عاصم عراجي. بجيّرلو ياها.

السؤال: شو اسم سفير لبنان لدى الأمم المتحدة؟
ماروني: passe

السؤال: شو اسم ثالث نائب بزغرتا غير سليمان فرنجيه واسطفان الدويهي؟
ماروني: سمير كرم.

السؤال: شو اسم السلطة الثالثة بلبنان غير التنفيذية والتشريعية؟
ماروني: الرئاسية. تبع الرئاسة.
بساط بتعيد السؤال.
ماروني: القضائية والإعلامية.

السؤال: بأي منطقة جبلية صارت جريمة قتل الشاب ايف نوفل؟
ماروني: بكاسين.

Lebanese Student Suspended For Two Days For Dyeing Her Hair

Posted By :

l1

A student called Racha at Maghdouche high school(?) was apparently suspended for two days for dying her hair. The school principal wrote a letter to the parents saying that the girl violated Articles 37 and 39 of Law #590, which apparently dates back to 1974. Funnily enough, the law does not mention anything related to hair dying.

The incident was reported by Racha’s brother on Facebook, where he shared screenshots of the principal’s letter as well as a copy of the student pledge that they have to sign.

I had no clue we still have school principals like that in Lebanon, but if this story is true, the Education Minister has to intervene and take the necessary measures, and by that, I don’t mean closing down schools for a day or two to investigate the matter 😀

l2

In other messed up news, Al-Manar TV is censoring men shorts now.

shorts

Donald Trump Bringing USA & Lebanon Closer than Ever

Posted By :

ghanem

A CNN reporter recently compared the ongoing bickering taking place between Donald Trump and other Republican Candidates to the debates that take place between Lebanese politicians, and featured the fight that took place live on MTV’s Bi Mawdou3iyye between Alloush vs. Chaker.

[YouTube]

I’m finding this hard to say, but I don’t think our politicians or anyone for that sake can possibly sink lower than Trump, and I don’t envy Americans for having Trump as one of the favorite presidential candidates. It’s probably better to stay without a president to be honest lol!

salloum

Traffic Highway LED Display Board Installed in Dbayeh

Posted By :

traffic led

I spotted a highway led display board installed at the exit of Nahr el Kalb tunnel towards Beirut. The board said “Lebanese Traffic Management at your service”. There’s another LED board being installed on the Dora highway at the Forum de Beyrouth.

There’s always traffic at this point so I’m not sure they will be of any help. If anything they should get a bigger screen and show a couple of Friends or Seinfeld episodes every morning to entertain us while stuck in traffic lol!

Nevertheless, it’s still a good idea. Let’s just hope they are properly powered and installed.

PS: Nahr el Kalb – Dbayyeh road desperately needs a pedestrian bridge.

People Try Arak For The First Time

Posted By :

arak

One of the guys was like:

“I don’t get the whole water thing. Can you just drink it straight?”

After trying it with water:

“That totally makes sense now why we had to add water”

I recommend you mix Arak with شراب التوت (mulberry). It tastes great and is not as heavy as the original mix.

[YouTube]