Category Archives: Humor

Yet Another Garbage Scandal: Russia’s Letter Of Readiness Is Apparently Fake

Posted By :

tol3et via YouStink FB Page

So first we’re told Russia has agreed to import Lebanon’s solid waste, then Chinook Urban Mining, the company in charge of exporting Lebanon’s trash, says they reportedly obtained approval from the Russian Environment Ministry and now Nikolai Gudkov, press officer at the Natural Resources and Environment Ministry is saying the documents presented were fake lol!

Minister Akram Chehayeb doesn’t know anything about it and is blaming it on the Council for Development and Reconstruction. Environment Minister Mohammad Machnouk is useless as always. Even Russian Ambassador to Lebanon, Alexander Zasypkin said his embassy is not involved in the matter.

I tried locating the TASS article (screenshot shown above) but I couldn’t so I assume it was written in Russian. I also tried to see if there’s a guy called Nikolai Gudkov in Russia but all I got were stories about a Russian chess master who got electrocuted while playing chess. I even searched on the Russian Ministry of Natural Resources and Environment and still nothing.

It looks like garbage is here to stay.

Update: The article was in Russian only. Here’s the [link] and Gudkov does exist. He’s the head of press service of the Russian Ministry of Natural Resources. Thank u Mario Achkar!

Valentine Song Of The Year: B7ebbik, 7ob Aoun Wou Geagea (Full Lyrics)

Posted By :

love

Anthony and Shant (3as3us) strike again!

بحبك ما بعرف ليش
بحبك راح قلك قديش
بحبك قد ما في بجع
بحبك حب عون و جعجع
بحبك و كرمالك بحرق دولاب
بحبك قد ما نبيه بري صرلو رئيس مجلس نواب

بحبك ما بعرف ليش
بحبك راح قلك قديش
بكم مليار لبنان صار مديون
بكم متفجرة بتزمت بكميون
بكل جبل بتلائي جرافه
(Brevet) و كم زعيم مش واصل لل بريفية

هلقد بحبك
بحبك ما بعرف ليش
بحبك راح قلك قديش

The lyrics are hilarious. I would add an extra paragraph:

بحبك ما بعرف ليش
بحبك راح قلك قديش
بحبك قد ما عنا زبالي
بحبك قد ما الانترنت الغالي
بحبك قد ما بيحكي السرفيس
بحبك حب فاعور للتبويس

[YouTube]

Meet #TetaRuby: The Coolest Teta On Instagram

Posted By :

teta Ruby

Someone just whatsapped me a couple of screenshots from Teta Ruby‘s Instagram and I was just reading Beirut.com‘s article on her. Teta Ruby is 91 and she’s a bad-ass Instagram teta. There are pictures of her eating pizza like a boss, relaxing on the balcony, eating ice-cream, preparing jam or Skyping with Santa and many others.

There’s someone managing her account most probably but the posts are cute and she’s definitely worth following.

Check her out [here].

No Kiss, No H1N1

Posted By :

lbci

Health Minister Wael Abou Faour reassured us today that we don’t need to worry about the H1N1 virus, saying no epidemic is in sight. Still, I think it’s safer to distribute flu vaccines to reduce the risks and ask doctors to charge less for the vaccine since it only costs 6$ in pharmacies (vs 30-40$ at the doctor).

The Minister added jokingly that we should cut down on the kissing during flu season haha!

nlsp LOL! via NLSP

Lebanon To Introduce The “In-Denial Minister” Position

Posted By :

machnouk

Update: Minister Machnouk deleted the tweet.

After the United Arab Emirates announced the creation of a minister of state for happiness, Lebanon decided to follow suit by appointing an “In-denial Minister” in the upcoming government. This new minister would try to fulfill our youth’s aspirations and achieve the Lebanese people’s ambitions by refusing to accept facts and living in complete denial the whole time. Moreover, a minister of state for happiness wouldn’t make sense because all our ministers are happy by default (سعادة النائب).

One of the many candidates for this new ministry will be our current environment minister Mohammad Machnouk, if he were to validate his last tweet, where he congratulated the UAE for the new ministries and wished if Lebanese had done anything to make a change in the past few months.

Of course demonstrating for months, holding a sit-in inside the Environment ministry, staging an open-ended hunger strike until Environment Minister Mohammad Machnouk resigns were all part of the 2015 Beirut International Festival and not addressed against the minister.

Elie Iskandar Is Good, Really Good!

Posted By :

iskandar

Elie is a Lebanese voice actor, Art/creative Director, character animator/designer, audio producer, writer and multimedia polymath. He’s the guy who was trying to sell his car in an epic way few months back and he just released a new video where he’s impersonating the voices of several Hollywood celebrities and cartoon characters. To name few, Eddie Murphy, Morgan Freeman, Sylvester Stallone, Bane, Batman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Yoda, Smeagol, Obama, Liam Neeson, Marlon Brando, Pickle, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Yogi Bear, Scooby Doo, Mr. Burns and his old neighbor lol!

This guy is super talented. Check him out!

[YouTube]

Al Jadeed Making Fun of Al Jadeed

Posted By :

jadeed

Did you know that aliens are mating with humans? Did you know that there are weird looking kids out there born with horns and stuff? Did it occur to you that a potential solution to the “spinster crisis” (عنوسه) is mating with aliens? Did you know that ex-Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev stated that there are tons of aliens out there?

Of course you didn’t because this is total rubbish and I wasn’t sure whether I should be laughing or not when I saw this report. However, Al Jadeed managed to make things worse by mocking its own report. Needless to say, there’s nothing wrong with making fun of other colleagues over a small mistake or a tongue slip, but to bash a report of your own TV due to its fabricated and non-verified facts is like slapping yourself in the face.

I just wish they had just removed the report and apologized.

[YouTube]

[YouTube]

Vulture Sentenced To 10 Years In Prison After Refusing To Admit Any WrongDoing

Posted By :

vulture Locals swooped on the vulture in the southern Lebanese town of Bint Jbeil – via The Guardian

I don’t have a problem with apprehending birds that have Israeli identification rings on them but to capture them on suspicious of espionage is quite ridiculous. Any headline is better than “Vulture arrested in Lebanon on suspicion of spying” or “Israeli “Spy Eagle” Caught In Lebanon” because such headlines really make us look stupid.

I’m sure Israel has all sorts of spying tools and could be using birds and animals as well (hard to believe tbh), but let’s report this the proper way and make sure we find a spying tool on that poor bird before accusing him of spying lol!

A vulture from an Israeli nature reserve has been captured in Lebanon on suspicion of espionage after flying across the border, Israel’s nature reserve authority has said.

Members of the Israeli public phoned the Israel Nature and Parks Authority to alert it to Facebook reports and pictures of a vulture with an Israeli identification ring and location transmitter captured by residents of the south Lebanese town of Bint Jbeil, a spokeswoman, Tali Tenenbaum, said.

“Reports passed to us show the vulture tied with a rope by local people who write that they suspect Israeli espionage apparently because of the transmitter attached to him,” the authority said. [Source]

Here’s what Colbert had to say about the “Spy Israeli Birds”:

PS: The title is obviously a joke.