Category Archives: Humor

An Epic Mistake From Al Mustaqbal Newspaper

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list

Not only did they include Hekmeh twice in the Lebanese Basketball League table, but they mistakenly took out Riyadi (Sporting) and put Hekmeh (Sagesse) in the lead. On another note, what’s up with the total at the end? Who cares about the total of games and point played?

Good job Mustaqbal! You made every Hekmeh fan’s day. Come to think of it, that’s the only way Sagesse will ever get to the top of the league this year lol!

Jad RIcha Originally Spotted by Jad Richa

The Lebanese Passport: Probably The Most Expensive & Least Useful One

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shenghen

Here’s a hilarious sketch by CHINN’s Abbass Jaafar on the Lebanese passport, the countries that we can fly to without a visa and the tons of documents that we need to prepare to get a short-stay visa. The Lebanese Passport is the world’s 9th worst passport and among the most expensive passports in the world, if not the most expensive. (and the biometric passports are not out yet!)

This reminded me of an old satiric post I wrote when the European Parliament agreed to let UAE citizens travel to Schengen Zone Countries without a visa.

EU Sets 10 Conditions To Grant Lebanon Visa-free Travel in Schengen Zone Countries

السفير اللبناني يمنع مواطن اميركي من دخول لبنان

Posted by Abbass Jaafar on Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Municipalities are Also to Blame For The Garbage Crisis

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potholes Making good use of open manholes

The majority of municipalities in Lebanon are to blame for the garbage crisis as much as the Lebanese government is. They’ve been doing very little to manage and recycle waste throughout the years and the end result was more than 700 illegal and unsafe dump sites. Things got even worse after the 8-month still ongoing garbage crisis when municipalities resorted to opening new unsafe dump sites and burning garbage randomly.

baladiyye1 Tasks assigned to municipalities

Municipal elections are happening soon and people should hold accountable those who turned valleys and mountains into dump sites, those who leave open manholes and conduct lousy and hazardous road works etc. Municipalities, at least most of them, are failing big time in Lebanon and the below videos by LADE are highlighting this reality as well as the importance of holding municipal elections on time.

الحلقة الخامسة حول الصرف الصحي

فقط في لبنانOnly in Lebanon#البلدية_نص_البلد

Posted by LADE on Sunday, March 6, 2016

Using open manholes as an interphone lol!

[YouTube]

[YouTube]

[YouTube]

Five Ways To Make Use of Beirut’s River Of Trash

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1- Open the first bobsleigh track in the Middle East and bid for the Winter Olympics (Thanks Farid)

2- Put the garbage bags on both sides to promote road safety and use them as safety barriers for drivers.

3- Color the bags on both sides in red, cut down a tree and put it in the middle and take an aerial view to make it look like a Lebanese flag.

4- Hire photographers to take better pictures of the river of trash and make Lebanon garbage-famous. (CNN & Buzzfeed have covered the story so far)

5- Last but not least, try to get Lebanon in The Guinness Book of Records by forming the longest garbage river in the world.

garbage2

Updated: Farid Hobeiche found more ways to make use of these garbage piles spread around the country.

Ahamma shi el tertib.

Posted by Farid Hobeiche on Wednesday, February 24, 2016

If you thought these 5 points were funny, wait till you read this. Some of the remarks of H.E. Mr. Mohammad Machnouk, Environment Minister, at #UNDP 50th anniversary Ministerial meeting:

1- The Lebanese Government has adopted a three-fold approach to prevent environmental
degradation while pursuing developmental efforts:

2- Public participation in the decision-making process in Lebanon has been a key feature of the
Lebanese governance system since the first constitution back in 1926.

More recently, in March 2015, the Government of Lebanon embarked in the preparation of
National Sustainable Development Strategy, using a participatory approach, centered around
7 strategic objectives:
1. Providing a world class human capital
2. Strengthening social cohesion
3. Providing the citizens’ daily priorities
4. Enhancing economic growth
5. Conserving the natural and cultural heritage
6. Promoting good governance
7. Repositioning Lebanon on the Arab, Mediterranean, and international map

The Zbelification of Lebanon at New York’s UNDP Conference on Environment

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Celebrating The Chinese Year Of The Snake – The Largest Snake-shaped Garbage in the world

It looks like our Environment Minister is on his way to New York to take part in the UNDP Conference on Environment. Our minister, a potential candidate for the The “In-Denial Minister” position that will soon be introduced in Lebanon, is keen to show the world how we were able to make use of our garbage crisis to beautify, or should I say Zbelify, our cities and towns.

In fact, the Zbelification of Lebanon is expected be the hottest topic in New York where world environment ministers were invited to gather and discuss educational and environmental issues. The Lebanese officials are planning to showcase their genius plan to stop garbage collection, drop all recycling methods and engage in garbage art.

Here’s a glimpse of The Zbelification process that is already underway:

The Lebanese Zbele pyramid, the tallest and largest garbage pyramid ever built – Opening By end of 2016

Encouraging Live garbage art all around Lebanon

Improving sightseeing in Lebanon by introducing Beit Mery’s garbage dumping show. Trucks dumping all sorts of garbage and garbage burning sessions will be available for all visitors


Pop garbage art around famous memorials and sites

Organizing garbage flash mobs to promote co-existence between all groups regardless of their color and shape.

The Only Petition I am Signing

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petition by AlAnhar

Here’s how we can solve the garbage crisis in Lebanon: Ask Saudi Arabia to halt all sorts of aids to Lebanon and reconsider their relations with our country until the garbage crisis is solved.

If this works, the garbage crisis will be solved by Friday 😀

497471_img650x420_img650x420_crop Piles of garbage line a road in the Beirut suburb of Jdeideh, Tuesday, Feb. 23, 2016. (The Daily Star/Hasan Shaaban)

10 Things Lebanese Talk Shows Have in Common

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Fady The funniest comedian by far in Lebanon – Fady Reaidy

Every time there’s a new comedy-oriented talk show in Lebanon, I watch the first couple of episodes to see if it’s any good or as lame as the other ones. Back in 2013, I had high hopes for Adel Karam’s show because I loved his character on SLCHI and he did start with a couple of decent episodes but after that it was all down hill. Hisham Haddad’s LOL was never funny and I’m not a fan of his new show as well. Arze’s new show barely lasted a couple of months before it got stopped and of course Rodolphe’s show not only failed to impress but was a ripoff of Ellen’s show.

So what do talks shows in Lebanon, at least most of them, have in common?

1- The hosts are never funny. They all have this same “jale2a” trait and have a massive ego.
2- The band is usually funnier than the host. One example is 3as3us on Arze’s show, Anthony and Shant are hilarious but Arze was terrible.
3- Audience clapping is never in sync. The audience (Age range 12-16) also laughs randomly even when there are no jokes being told.
4- North Korea’s Kim Jong-un is a popular topic on these shows. Don’t ask me why.
5- The funny YouTube videos they show are at least 10 years old.
6- They steal most of the jokes from social media and pretend the jokes are theirs.
7- When the ratings are low, they get Myriam Klink or Mariam Nour.
8- Guests are always dressed up for a wedding.
9- Teleprompter abuse: They never improvise.
10- They bash all politicians then welcome them and praise them.

Let’s Take a Moment To Applaud The Person Who Translated/Published This Story

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MTV

Let’s take a moment to applaud the person who read this story, thought it was worth sharing and took the time to translate and publish it online, and I’m not just talking about MTV here. I think it’s about time we come up with the Durex D’or awards, to congratulate these people and shed the light on these life-changing and mind-boggling stories.

If you want more “insights” on the “Mystery ejaculator at a Hanoi swimming pool”, here’s the original [link].

After reviewing the CCTV footage closely, we observed an unknown male on a balcony overlooking the pool who is now a person of interest,” commented the security manager at the condominium. The manager refused to confirm speculation that the man was caught on video ejaculating into the pool, but a witness at the party claims this was the case. “I was lying on a sun lounge and taking a nap, when I was woken by a feeling of liquid hitting my back,” reported Ms Chau Thi Tuyen, who attended the party with friends. “At first I thought it was suntan lotion, but I looked up and caught a glimpse of a naked man on a balcony.”

PS: Other reports are saying a fish got pregnant in the process as well.

Lebanese Loto Trolling Kanye West

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kanye

American Hip Hop artist Kanye West caused a twitter storm few days ago when he announced that he was $53 million in personal debt, and that he wants the world to know his struggle. He also asked Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg for $1 billion to keep making art lol!

Needless to say, he’s probably bluffing and just seeking attention but the sad part is that some of Yeezy’s biggest supporters start GoFundMe page to raise money for Kanye West and get him out of his debt.

La Libanaise des Jeux also decided to help Kanye in their own way by trolling him on their Facebook page. It’s funny but not as funny as Pizza Hut’s troll.

kanye1