Category Archives: Humor

Joke of the Day: Lebanon to Sign Climate-Change Pact in New York

Posted By :

2arrib Source

Dear Prime Minister, wake up, get out and smell the garbage in Beirut.

Prime Minister Tammam Salam traveled to New York on Thursday to participate in the ceremony aimed at signing the climate-change pact that the world adopted in principle in Paris last December.

The state-run National News Agency said Salam is expected to give a speech at Friday’s ceremony, which will be attended by leaders and envoys from more than 160 countries. [Naharnet]

Why Would Anyone Buy A Special Passport Number?

Posted By :

passport

The Lebanese passport is one of the most expensive and least useful in the world, yet for some reason, the General Security has just released special “VIP” passport numbers that will cost you up to LL 1,000,000.

I can understand golden mobile numbers and up to a certain extent car plate numbers but why would I pay extra to get a special passport number? Will that special number allow me to enter more countries without a visa? Do I get free upgrades at hotels or during a flight if I show off my number? Will I get a free “Arabic Select Upgrade” on Southwest Airlines?

There’s only one type of Lebanese who will benefit from that: Those who show off every time they check in at the MEA Cedar Lounge will now be able to brag about their “special” passport numbers.

Here are few funny tips from Farix on how to make use of that special number:

Road Works 3al Lebnené

Posted By :

werach via LBCILebanon

Half the country got stuck in traffic from Antelias till Maameltein because of the road works next to the Casino du Liban. I cancelled my son’s appointment at KMC because I was told I’d never make it there on time and I’m staying in Beirut till 7:30 to avoid traffic.

The best part is that the cops had to help out the workers to fix (ter2ee3) the road and clear the way for cars. I’m glad they did but they should go fine the contractor for this lousy work.

Update: The contractor apparently got arrested according to the Ministry of Public Works but that’s not enough.

ISF2 via ISF

PS: The works are scheduled to start at 10 PM so I’m not sure what they were doing during the day.

Business 3al Lebnené

Posted By :

oldslchi

In case you’ve been wondering how our national debt got so big, here’s your answer. To make things worse, we’ve become so corrupt that no one cares about completing any project now, they just want to steal the money and accuse others of corruption, or even better, state that they are leading a battle against corruption.

Car Insurance 3al Lebnené

Posted By :

mtv insurance

Everyone is tagging MTV on this ad but I can’t seem to find it anywhere on their website. It is a hilarious and spot-on ad. The video ends with ” بربكن صلحوا الطرقات الزفت” in an attempt to shed the light on road conditions in Lebanon but I can’t find the full version yet.

Em Hortons Now Open in Lebanon

Posted By :

em hortons via Adriana

Em Hortons beat Tim Hortons to Lebanon and opened its first shop in Halat, North Lebanon. We tried to reach Tim Hortons to comment on the story but did not get any feedback.

In other exciting news, you can now buy genuine and original “Converce” (with a C) for LL 10,000 in Jdeide.

converse

The Ultimate Guide to Dealing With Garbage in Lebanon

Posted By :

111

If you’re having trouble dealing with the garbage situation in Lebanon, follow the below guidelines:

1- Keep a picture of our current Environment Minister with you at all time. It’s a very efficient blocking tool.
2- Make use of all these mosquitoes to create new local dishes. Mosquito Hrisse can be our new local secret on Snapchat. Chou we2fit 3al Fattet Shrimps?
3- If you can’t stand the smell and have to take out your garbage, throw if off the balcony.
4- If you risk getting caught, build a small catapult, install it on the roof and throw your garbage to your neighbor’s roof.
5- Urinate to mark your “garbage” territory so that no one else throws trash in your spot.
6- Keep a picture of a fried rat and show it to any rat you spot on the street. That way, he will get scared and stay away from you. (Make sure to look him in the eye).
7- Snapping at a party by rotating your camera stupidly and making your followers dizzy can be made much easier with mosquitoes around.
8- Buy a net mask and wear it at all time to avoid swallowing mosquitoes. If you can’t afford masks, try to negotiate with the mosquitoes and ask them kindly not to enter your mouth, or bribe them with a couple of blood drops.
9- There’s no need to feel guilty if you fart during a date or in public, just blame it on the garbage piles and fart at will.
10- The new waves of mosquitoes arriving are harmless and are part of the celebrations prepared by the government to mark the 100th anniversary of the invasion of locusts (jarad) during WWI. If you spot suited up mosquitoes, don’t be afraid.

If all else fails, follow the genius solution proposed by one of Mr.Lebanon’s candidates.