skel

Demonic devil worshipers are everywhere in Lebanon, they are growing in numbers, they are forming groups and organizing parties to recruit young innocent people. They are taking over the nightlife scene and the forces of good are helpless against them. Last year, the authorities caught a bunch of J├Ągermeister Demonic Worshipers who were organizing a Friday 13 themed party just on time before they performed their satanic rituals of dancing around while drinking and smoking. This year, they almost got away once again with a 3-day event but were exposed thanks to brilliant and unparalleled investigative journalism. Black Mass, Sacrifice rituals, recitation of prayers, digital drugs (whatever that means) and other satanic rituals were unveiled and shown to the public, all based on solid and undeniable evidence: a hidden cross-shaped sign spotted on one of the event’s posters:

So In case you don’t want to end up at a devil worshiping party, watch out for these signs:

1- Satanist parties usually last more than one night.
2- Arguile is forbidden there.
3- J├Ągermeister is their preferred alcohol.
4- They don’t play Ali el Deek songs.
5- They love blood so make sure you keep a bag of blood on you and spray it on them. If they enjoy it then run for your life!
6- They dance tirelessly for hours.
7- Guys don’t dress up and girls rarely wear heels.
8- Party venues are not fancy and consist of remote places or abandoned warehouses.
9- They don’t eat.
10- Digital drugs are distributed at midnight.
11- They hate cotillion.

The other 655 reasons are as stupid as the ones listed above.

On a serious note, I don’t have much info about devil worshipers or satanists in Lebanon (whatever that means) but someone should hold accountable journalists who come up with such ridiculous stories every year. In fact, any journalist who posts unverified and fabricated stories should be fined.