parliament Screenshot taken from the song – Panique bil parlement

Just like #YouStink demonstrations apparently need to have an etiquette in Lebanon, participants in the National Dialogue session have to abide by a set of rules and regulations in order to make the most out of these sessions. Here are some of them:

– Your convoy should consist of at least 10 cars, including 5 SUVs. Having a super-car lead the way can also help.
– Close down as many roads as possible on your way to the parliament to earn extra points.
– Make sure all your cars are of the same color. Black is recommended. Buy new cars if you must and the government will reimburse you.
– Wait for around 10 minutes before stepping down from your car to feed some reporters with useless content for their click-bait articles.
– Make sure to have 3 extra suits/dresses, 3 pairs of shoes, an automatic ironing machine, a tailor and a shoeshiner on standby just in case.
– Get a pyjama for the after-lunch 1 hour nap.
– Make sure to raise your hand and ask Prof. Berri (aka Al Asteez) for a permission to talk before doing so.
– Time your questions and interventions properly in order not to delay the 9 am, 10:15 am, 11 am, 11:45 am, 12:45 am coffee breaks and 1:30 till 3:30pm lunch break.
– Make sure to use the #NationalDialogueLB hashtag while taking selfies during the discussions.
– Playing games is allowed but avoid them at all cost during coffee breaks in order not to spill coffee or hot beverages on your suit or dress.
– Keep your phone silent in order not to interrupt other participants playing on their phones as well.
– If you signed up for the 5 pm spa treatment, you are kindly requested to bring your own towel.
– If you run over a pigeon with your car by mistake, make sure to confiscate all the cameras around you to avoid embarrassment. Violence against reporters is not recommended.
– Do not tag any other participant on Instagram or Facebook without his/her consent.
– All food allergies must be communicated to the cuisine chef before tomorrow noon.
– If you wish to have lunch outside the dialogue venue, kindly refer to Minister Bou Faour Moutabik-list.
– Bikes will be available outside the parliament for those who get bored of the discussions.
– Feel free to bring your own garlic if you insist on having it with the Chicken Shawarma being served.
– Smoking cigarettes inside the room is prohibited. Only Cigars and Arguile.
– Recycling is strictly prohibited.
– Make sure to leave at peak time in order to cause the biggest amount of traffic possible.