The Onion to Sue Lebanon

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Hilarious article by Karl even though it reflects a sad reality.

It emerged today that the American satirical magazine The Onion is to sue Lebanon for unfair competition practices and for making its headlines look totally reasonable. The Onion is demanding million of dollars in compensation, claiming that the small Mediterranean country has ‘ruined the business of writing satirical headlines’. The magazine’s claim refers to a ‘sustained campaign of nonsensical but nevertheless real headlines’ over a number of years, during which Lebanon, ‘went out of its way to make The Onion’s headlines look ordinary by comparison.’

The straw that broke the camel’s back was Lebanon’s adoption of a new electoral law that requires members of each sect to vote for candidates from their sect only. A senior staff member at The Onion, Andy Mitchell, revealed the pressure that the magazine’s writers have been under in an interview earlier today. “How can we possibly satirize that? Anything we will come up with will look extremely normal. This is fucking insane.”

He added: “The law says Maronites, and I am not quite sure what Maronites are, must vote for Maronites candidates, Shiites for Shiite candidates, Sunnis for Sunni candidates and so on. Except for Jews. Jews can vote for candidates of any sect they choose! Now if we had put that in a satirical article, we would have been accused of unreasonable exaggeration.”

“And why do they call it the Orthodox Electoral Law? There’s NOTHING Orthodox about it. They must be pulling our leg. No political system in the world is that twisted, not even North Korea’s. This is obviously part of a determined effort to undermine what we and other satirical publications do. Lebanon is trying to create a monopoly in ludicrous headlines and I’m afraid to say it’s succeeding.” It is understood that The Onion’s lawyers will target Lebanon under anti-trust laws and ‘freakin’ common sense’.

8 thoughts on “The Onion to Sue Lebanon

  1. sam

    I guess we got use to such headlines so much , that we tend to forget we are amongst the few worldwide with this sad reality.

    Reply
    1. Desmond Bey

      That’s because it’s a parody…if you follow the link it tells you at the bottom.
      It’s so good it had you fooled.

      Reply
  2. Judy Minchew

    The onion plant has a fan of hollow, bluish-green leaves and the bulb at the base of the plant begins to swell when a certain day-length is reached. In the autumn the foliage dies down and the outer layers of the bulb become dry and brittle. The crop is harvested and dried and the onions are ready for use or storage. The crop is prone to attack by a number of pests and diseases, particularly the onion fly, the onion eelworm and various fungi that cause rotting. Some varieties of A. cepa such as shallots and potato onions produce multiple bulbs.*.:’

    Have a good day
    <http://www.putsakahayopka.co/

    Reply

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